Toe nails & food

when I die, and I'm in no rush there's several things that I'll miss and things that I won't miss.

I definately won't miss the trimming of my toe nails being sixtyish and not exactly in top physical form I know longer can trim without doing harm to myself and do to the possibility of length and thickness of the nail, a flying nail may bring harm to anyone in the vicinity  one of the hazards that comes with age, although I will miss quite a few things in the culinary line but primarily pork.

But just remember who ever's in charge after I die I'd like to be cremated, no casket,no grave,no anything,no anything, just wait till brad's back around then throw my ashes off an I-70 overpass,then have a party with pork butt and beer and blues.

60, so I guess the countdown has begun. Just remember no viewing, no nothing just a party with pork butt,beer, and blues. See ya

Blink

i was setting in high school class I'm not sure exactly what class it was and if I bothered taking notes and this was years before computers were even heard of,well they were heard of but they weren't compact in the least in fact they were huge and NASA may be one of the only one that had more than one?Anyway I was in class eventually graduating, going to college, getting married, divorced, having an automobile accident because of a broken heart related to the marriage that ended in divorce, spendîng several years lonely and recouperating from the accident, eventually remarrying and having not one but two kids(1-boy,1-girl), watching the kids grow into adulthood and having kids of their own, getting divorced after the kids where grown(my kids),being happy for the first time in a long time. At some point between the high school class and my last child leaving I must have blinked and hopefully not in a way meaning it's over but a blink for a different beginning. Then again it could be a strange code meaning "F**k you?"

Diamonds are a girls best friend vs a prostate is a boys best friend

Sparky(the out of shape hummingbird)

we noticed him(or maybe her) around the hummingbird feeder during the summer, the feeder was a liquid feeder containing a sweet, sugar solution meant for hummingbirds but I'm sure the ants would like it too. There were several hummingbird's visiting the feeder and toward the middle of August they seemed to be visiting on a more frequent basis probably gearing üp for their migration flight tô the south. One hummingbird in particular I like to refer to as sparky has been coming to the feeder early in the morning and staying till practically dark, eating and resting on the metal feeder stand constantly eating, I've been concerned because sparky's obviously been putting on some serious weight recently and could have some major concerns being in Olympic shape for the migration unless he's decided that buckeye lake might bè just as suitable as any of the southern destinations, cooler but closer, and he or she won't have to be concerned about dieting and besides that this area is a hotbed for eating,drinking and debauchery(at least it was in the seventies) when myself and acquaintances would party for hours and I would wake up the following morning on the fłoor of the garage or with a female that later in life would have a receding hair-line and not be concerned with over-weight hummingbird's.

Set Steve free(Steve the gecko)

Steve the gecko has been imprisoned in a aquarium for some time now and he's not mine but I'd like donations for the journey to set him free preferably in a habitat that would be more befitting for him I'd like to see him find a Mrs. Steve and maybe even have some Stevett's so make check's payable to:
Free Steve  "smooth Steve" as he likes to be called:
                                                                                 

Feinted my fucking heart

and left me with thirty-one years worth of memories
Good and bad

Isn't anyone attracted to someone wearing an adult diaper

even if it's temporarily not the most attractive feature in the arsenal of humanity but still for old times sake. No one will ever say "your meat smells good" unless there's a pork butt in the oven with a special rub on it. If nothing else the cancers gone.

Smooth Steve featuring soup bone cliff

Certainly some of the best,laid back blues a gecko and dog(beable) could produce.

Dr. Ben Dover:code brown, stat

Always a "c" student with a steady average from Frank's academy of bait and learning on buckeye lake. Dr. Ben Dover was a proud, proud man Who as long as he could remember aspired to be the best rectal surgeon money could buy and in 1974 he gôt the chance after oñe to many adult beverages some readily available kitchen appliances one stick of butter and a unused subscription to the Westminster kennel club magazine (fall edition).

Dr.ben dovér had always been a happy man, along with being a proud man, especially when examining the lone brown eye of his favorite Westminster candidate Clifford "Śoup Bone."

Dr. Ben Dover was a proud, proud, shy, shy man.

What got me to visit Dr. Ben Dover was the advertisement "Our Staff will wax your car while ÿou see the good Doctor"

And every Thursday is bring your own lube Thursday.

Marvin

tired out from kegal exercises and drinking mass quantities of the smoothest bourbon known to man along with a very satisfying beer he desired to go skinny dipping in the above ground pool and even though he was at the time 59 years old he was happy as a pig in do-do. So he shed his Walmart adult diaper did 3 cannon balls before relaxing au natural in a euphoric state also he was listening to some classic blues music. The only thing that could possibly have made it better was peanut butter, he had worked up quite a appetite convalescing. The skinny dipping may have been a slight exaggeration but  at 59 how gross would that have been, and the removal of the adult diaper? But having your prostate robotically removed is no picnic, and cancerous to boot butt in the long run it'll all be fine with clean living and an ample supply of the cure all liquid medication only mothers recommend.

Diagnosed with cancer and died with a broken heart

Two children, three grandchildren, a load of memories, one broken heart

cancerous prostate removal with the use of the robôtic keister-matic

May 16,2016 was the day of my procedure(surgery) and to say I was nervous would be a understatement bût due to the fact that cancer runs through my family like fecal matter through the town's faulty drainage system I imagined it to be my best option. My father died of prostate cancer, my brother has prostate cancer, my sister had breast cancer, my grandmother had breast cancer, my uncle had colon cancer, my aunt had brain cancer, I'm sure I'm missing a few.
Back to may 16th and the day of my surgery, my surgery took place at the Dublin Methodist hospital in northern Columbus,Ohio, it's a newer hospital and I'm sure the procedure won't be free but just maybe? The food at the hospital was so-so but the nurses and staff were friendly to the senior citizens it's amazing the procedure consisted of five or six small incisions in my abdomen and was without the severe pain of doing it in the garage yourself, so all in all if you've got prostate cancer and you'd like to get rid of it why not nip it in the bud or keister.

May 19,2016
Three days of life without a cancerous prostate and appendix(well the appendix wasn't cancerous it just had a funky tumor growing on it and possibly smelled). Someone told me "day 3 following surgery is no picnic" and whoever said that was absolutely correct my abdomen(although the operation consisted of four  to six small slits) looks fairly gory not unlike the pillsbury dough-boy after eating blueberries but besides feeling sore and tired I don't feel half bad. I must say the catheter sucks but after Monday may 23,2016 I'll be good to go(with a boatload of  kegal exercises).

May 20,2016
The fourth day isn't much better than the third but slightly and while showering I discovered a huge

pair of maracas but it will pass.

May 21,2016
This old age thing definitely isn't for sissy's but I'd do this crap again I enjoy life grand-children,food,especially,pork, but any good food,kids,not cats(I could die and not miss cats), along with catheters (but I'd do it again), and everything else is cool life is cool.
The fifth day is good,well really the catheter isn't but it's bearable. And it's good just knowing if nothing else you've got family.

May 22,2016
So the catheter is removed, the long trip to and from the hospital is more than exhausting but I'm still above ground.

May 23,2016
At my brother-n-laws and sister's I survive my first night free of the frick'n catheter, kegal exercises look out(I guess I am a old dude).

Blinked

it was 1975, I started college at osu, had a summer job, eventually got married,blinked, got married again,had a baby, or at least my wife did, became a farmer(for 22 years),had another baby which grew up after the first grew up, got 3 grandchildren,I separated got happy and blinked now I've got cancer but not quite done and still blinking.

What's expected of a I.O.O.F. Wife

ladies first off whether it be the unbearable heat of the summer or the dryness of the winter keep your man hydrated, this is so very important. Hydration,hydation,hydration.
I.O.O.F. Spells hydration.

I.O.O.F.(inebriated order of old fuckers)

we've been contemplating changing the name from the independent order of odd fellow's to the inebriated order of old fuckers and also we've discussed starting a new chapter in new Salem and celebrating every known(and unknown and some just made up) holiday's worldwide(and twice on leap year). by the way August 5th is international beer day and towards the end of May is towel day and as long as there's a plethora of adult beverage's fôr sale at the local market we'll be participating in these and other holidays. International beer day is the first Friday of August not August 5.

Just in case

if things don't go exactly as I'd planned I'd like a cremation service, preferably a cremation service/barbecue and with the money saved by not having your standard burial you can afford ałl meat weiner's(just kidding). Have ribs or pork butt, and loads of beer and hula girls.thanks

PS: be sure you buy yourself  hat.

the strangest group you'd ever want to meet

I first made there acquaintance in the mid eighties and at first I thought they were normal but over the years I discovered they were anything but normal they were more like asparagus a fine tasting vegetable but with horrific results after consumption. I'm sure this was all due to the weird ways they were raised earlier in life, never,no,nothing. No father being a part of their lives, giving direction, any sort of encouragement, a mother who was there in title only, a grandmother(more like a stand in for the wicked witch of the west position) than the position of grandmother. And then there were the other grandparents rearing another daughters illegitimate brood.

Definitely not June cleavers blueprints for a whole bunch not even the Brady bunch.

No.1 child drown at 2 years old creating nasty feelings between the wicked witch and the mother of the child.

No. 2 child did become a nurse but a bi-polar,whore,load mouthed,self righteous type along the way.

No.3 child married into money but still found time to be the most intolerable prick east of the Yellowstone ñational park then still found time for more horrid behavior.


No.4 my soon to be ex and the mother of my children suffered with mental illness beginning in the 1980's

No.5 probably the nicest of the group but still with problems.

Healthcare professionality

I'm required by strictest orders to maintain a steady level of inebreatïon in maintaining thè pain and discomfort accosiated with prostate cancer.

April 14,2016: the day of meeting dr. Abasa the surgeon who may remove my prostate robotically and I'm as nervous as a high school cheerleader knowing there's not enough o's in smooth.

Although(cancerous,scared shitless thoughts)

even if I do it will end up well?

End of mankind

as a reminder for the end of the world don't forget to stock your shelves of your under-ground bomb-shelter with the crunchy goodness of frito's.

"One door closes and another opens"

Minus(day 1)

I've been staying or living if you'd prefer with my sister and brother-n-law for months now and it's great. My wife had all but booted me out after 31 years 2 kids and 3 grand children but that's fine simply because of her hee-haw ways and her hee-haw family, I think I was as ready as her for the big break.

First off let me say I absolutely love being hére, living here, just being here. My sister is a nurse so my brothèr-n-law and her are financially solvent, which is a plus for him and her, plus being the coolest people in the universe doesn't hurt, I'm just happy they allow me to stay.

I spend my days cleaning the house, and working outside, the cleaning isn't to difficult consididering my sisters kids are gone like mine. She has 4 grandchildren which she sees on occasion and I'm positive she's a great, terrific grandmother that loves and misses them when thèy're gone.

Back to me, after my chores my brother-n-law and I spend our time doing chores and escaping reality. I recently discovered I have cancer and he's been dealing with copd. We're both 60-ish with plans of living at least another 30 or 40 year apiece.

Serendipity

The end of december(2015), and sometime in the start of january(2016) my wife and I separated aftèr. 31 years of marriage 2 kids and 3 grandchildren, and at the time I was devistated but today I found out I have prostate cancer and it's totally because of the separation that I even did find out. I went to my family doctor looking for some medication for sleep and depression and for sôme odd reason the doctor thought I should get blood work done he found a slightly elevated psa level and referred me to a urologist,the urologist eventually did a biopsy finding the cancer. So it's true "one door closes and another opens." I still have the cancér and I'm not all that thrilled about that but I'll be fine.

K.K.W.(kitty kat wrangling)

the high stress job of cat wrangling is never an easy one. There's so much to plan for and consider such as capture and disposal. I'm merely the assistant in this massive K.K.W. operation and I can honestly say the stress is almost unbearable.

There are danger's to wrangling especially in the release of a wrangled cat(so do use extreme caution). If bit or scratched you may want to consult a physician or maybe not.

Keister-reck-tomy

     The day before the day before I under-go the prostate biopsy and I'm already getting the apprehensive nervous jitters that hopefully can be cured with alcohol, I've been told the procedure is comparable to having an office stapler shoved up your keister, butt we'll see, we'll see?

     The day of the keister-reck-tomy and I'm as nervous as the front row of a group of whore's in church butt with the exception of the embarrassment of the delicate situation all goes well, that is if you don't mind a stapler up your butt, and you're shy.

     Days following the procedure I'm as fine as anyone who days before had a stapler having it's way with your keister I'm sure I'm suffering from some post traumatic stress disorder butt hopefully I'll lead a somewhat normal life if not I'll see you at some carnival.

     Maybe I won't see you at the carnival I found out earlier today that I have cancer, keister-cancer, cancer of the keister.
     

The high cost of alcohol

sincè the 1980's the cost of alcohol has gone up dramatically making it virtually impossible for a single person let alone a group to catch a decent buzz, what's ûp with that? I realize Ronald's dead but bring him back, or his kids.

Incompatible we became

     Incapable of coexisting together is what we became, never together but even when apart, incompatible in your hee-haw family clan. We're incompatible, and I'm through with the hurting, the lonesome nights, the bull-shit late night, all night fights, incompatible we were till we became.

It's worth it

     After 31 years of memories 2 children 3 grandchildren, some good memories some bad I'm wondering is it worth giving away my youth my peace of mind for a mentally unstable woman and I guess I'd have to say no.

     I'd grown tired of living on the top of the ladder, never knowing when the next unpleasant situation might occur although my familiarity with the situation was and has undeniably always been there even though I didn't know if I wanted to be and now I'm ñot forever.

     So here's to the next 31 years, cheers.

"If God didn't want you to drink beer why does it taste so good?"

"Pizza with salad and a beer" all the food groups are répresented



Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Ben Franklin

It could've been worse

Feb.29,2016     But thank god my sister(a nurse &interpreter) was there so the decision was made at the urologist that I will keep this brain butt have the prostate biopsy.March 21,2016

March 1,2016: My father died of prostate cancer at age 56, and my brother's been living with prostate cancer for five years now he's 60 so I fear for my keister and my life. I ask my brother what to expect at the biopsy and he told me besides being embarrassing it's like getting a stapler shoved up your butt,he could've said jelly bean.

Let's see I'm 59? March 3,2016

Butt,after

     although it had been 31 years we had become bad room mates, no longer interested in each other's lives just there without love or caring, just there until we weren't, the only thing we did as a couple was ignore each other. So even though the separation is difficult in the long run I'm sure now it's the best thing that could have happened.

Roller coaster rides straight to hell

     When she gave me that "go to hell" look I knew I'd be going on an eerie roller coaster ride that I wouldn't soon forget even if I tried.

Consensus of blank

    While visiting with my daughter and grandson we were all in agreement because of today's medication the soon to be EX is f**ked in the head she know longer cares about you, me, us, them, they, we period.

cliff

     With elephant size dreams, and the appearance of a short legged bobtailled pony with a bull-dog face, cliff the dog had dreams of winning the Westminster kennels big prize. He'd grown into young dog-hood knowing that he had the potential of being a champion show-dog, if only he didn't forget his training.
     When he was youngèr he realizes he'd been a tad to hyper but he had mellowed since those days and yearned for the chance to be a Westminster kennel club champion even if it cut into his couch time or laying in front of the wood-burner on the chilly mid-ohïo winter's, if nothing else cliff was dedicated.
     Dedication will get you everything, although cliff seems to have some sort of a death-wish even before he enters the ranks of the Westminster society so tonight please say a prayer for cliff and hopefully he'll make it, all the way to Westminster.

Futility abounds

it's been around 6 weeks more or less since the end of our 31 plus years of wedded bliss and it still hurts like crazy although it is getting easier daily and I am happier on this roller-coaster ride straight ought of hell, but I will be 60. I realize it's the best thing that could have happened considering the past few years and even if she did call,"and at times I guess I still would like that," I'd have to say,"kiss my ****."

         Still,just a second ago, my sister and I were looking at some photo's from a few years ago and wow! The memories.

and now

that i'm older whenever i watch athletic events i have this strange notion that i could probably do whatever sport or whoever the athlete may be better than they're doing it. what a tremendous ass.

although getting older certainly does suck, time definitely has left it's tell tale signs on me aside from shrinking , becoming real,real ugly, finding aches and pains that weren't there when i was younger, and i'm sure there's more that i'm probably forgetting. it's really strange how i can get hurt(have pains) from doing nothing(i don't get it? Getting oldèr is hard work and ît doesn't pay well.

So

   After 31 years of marriage, 2 children, and 3 grand children a truck-load of despair. I've always tried to be a good husband, father, and grandfather, even standing by when she was troubled.

I still think it's the medicaton(after fruit loops)

     1992 was my summer "in hell," not that the house wasn't nice enough, or the people but the ambience at least for me was one of just wanting to be home and being normal but this wasn't to be and wasn't to be what at the time seemed like forever.
     In 1994 after three fun filled months in hell we moved to the farm, "that's hell in '92, farm in '94." At first farm life was fun and very busy, at the time our son was in fourth grade, the house needed a lot of cleaning up and my wife seemed content with the help of anti-depressants.
     My wife's father aside from being a horrible father for divorcing his children along with the mother of his children was also a horrible farmer(not spending hundreds of dollars on something and simply losing thousands in the long run). So I was very busy being a dairy farmer and loving it working 60 hours a week dairy farming,loving my wife and child, cleaning up the farm,etc.And every second of it I loved even though I was still disabilded but that didn't seem to matter cutting wood,running a haybine, throwing silage,baling hay,repairing or replacing Windows,hauling or loading manure, and the list goes on and on. Like I said before my wife's father had been an awful father and a horrible farmer but he was honestly a nice guy. It was during this time(maybe a year earlier) he finally divorce's
the 7 times married before,ex-prostitute,piece of work, and makes an attempt at making things right with his children, but never apologizes for the absent years and treating his own children like stray dogs. Although he does move in with his ex-wife as though this will make things right for the years of mental abuse. Although he did have a brief affair with a woman that his sons and daughter's seem to have forgotten about, so I guess that doesn't count.
     1995: and things seem to be going good my wife has a daughter a beautiful girl, our son is 10 in the fifth grade, I'm busy as ever dairy farming,making home repairs,  and being a loving husband and dad. During this time I'm sure there were several medicatiôn issues where the medication was no
longer working as it should, maybe her dr. would switch medications or whatever nothing to get stirred up about then in 2004 the "sh*t hits the fan " another time. It seemed to correlate with our sons graduation from high-school but she was an absolute mess and I'm getting older but still able to farm and be a supportive husband and father.
    In 2006 things wére going fine the wife seemed to be feeling well our son graduated into the marine's at Paris island,South Carolina(we attended) the stars must have been aligned.
     The years following till now:things seemed to be going fine we were growing older with the occasional mental hiccup possibly due to getting use to a medication, a different medicatiôn,  there was a time that even her dad took her to the emergency room because I was simply getting tired of the whole thing,"that wasn't being a good husband," now I see but I just quit, I quit the farm,I quit caring so after thirty-one years two children and three grandchildren we were through

fruit loops

it was 1983 when I was working for licking county board of mental retardation and developmental disabilities as a residential advisor and living at the cox memorial gardens apartment complex that consisted of four apartments, not five but four, and they were adequate, merely adequate. At the time I was happy to be living on my own, freshly disabled after an automobile accident that left me with slurred speech, double vision, ataxia on my right side so I was forced to walk wîth the aid of a cane or a crutch but I was young and the left-over hormones from high school wére raring to go.
     I first met vir-gini's brother,"and at that time,I really wasn't aware,that he was," when I was attempting to change the tire of my 1976 Mercury. It wás a fine car, and had taken me places where I nevér should have been, and places also like work,the grocery and indiscriminate parties but I was ÿoung.
     Anywày I was attempting to change the tire in my own handicapped way when this stranger offered to help and I was more than relieved to give him the tools. Later after some months had gone by a friend of mine and I, in a drunken,dope fueled stüpor happened on the members of their clan once again, and they were nice in a white trailer trash sort of way.
     Finally,possibly in the spring of 1984 vir-gini and her brother dropped by my abode bringing along a fifth of chivas regal and some of Meig county's finest and highest thc content greenery,we were young and we indulged. At that time nothing romantic happened, we talked,partied, and became friends,and for days afterwards the party continued and we all became friends. Suddenly months later after vir-gini learned my handicapped ways including my weird slurred speech were only on the outside and beneath these deficits was a good guy.
     Later vir-ginî moved in and became pregnant and I asked her to marry me. On December 15,1984 we were married and that’s when the nightmare began, but first came our son and he was a beautiful
baby boy. I had looked at vir-gini even before we met and wow! She was a beautiful girl possibly on

I'm










of the most beautiful girls I'd ever seen although I couldn't imagine the skeleton's dancing in the

































closet, of her mind, although I didn't have sense enough to give up quite yet.



















     It wasn't until we were married that I found out her mother had had several boyfriends and a child out of wedlock. Her father,"after divorcing her mother," married  a woman,"a former prostitute," who
had been married at the very least 7 times before and wouldn't allow him to see his own children. There was even a story that one day in the pouring rain when vir-gini was a child walking home from




school with her step-sister her father picked up her step-sister but made vir-gini continue in the

pouring rain something I'm sure that would have a negative impact on a small child.

I'm




     1985: My parents had divorced earlier leaving my mother with custody of the house which was
lucky for me, my son, and vir-gini,"at least at the time I thought," it was a beautiful home that I never  could have afforded working part-time and receiving social security disability although in 1988 the

sh*t hit the fan. The
     I had lost my driving license somewhere between 1986 and 1988 because of my double vision,"it
seems that the authorities have no sense of humor." Subsequently I was forced to retire from my

resident advisor job living entirely on social security which is impossible to say the least.

     vir-gini's first psychotic episode threw me for a loop I can still remember setting the entire night
with her as she babbled incoherently about her father,I suppose you could say it was scarey never
having been subjected to anything like that before. Later the following day they transferred her to a
different hospital that had a psyche ward. That night I stayed with vir-gini's brother and borrowed his
car the following morning to inform her father of what his actions had caused I may or may not on several occasions referred to him as a"mother-f**ker" which wasn't very polite and I wouldn't advise

doing this at 6:00am but it did get him to the hospital.
     1992:my sister married and we attended with our son,it was a short drive to our home in t.ville and she was crying all the way for no apparent reasôn. Later we drove to her sister's in nearby
Newark,Ohio where we stayed for three fun-filled months, that fall our son would be in the second grade and I was frustrated just trying to get home. I can still remember on a particular Saturday while
staying at her sister's, we needed tires on the car a 1988 bonneville and she was a utter mess, crying as if th

Divorce or dissolution

Late December of 2015, nearly 2016 I was 59.3333 years of age when she tells me "I need a break"
that latter turns into "let's make this permanent " that news was devastating after 31 years of marriage
2 kids and 3 grandchildren. I had grown comfortable, preparing for my twilight years, with the thought of bouncing my grandchildren on my good knee. This all came to a sudden halt and I'll be 60 and alone although in the 31 years we'd become more like bad room-mates than a married couple at times I still find myself half missing her and I don't know why, maybe it's something I ate. The tension was unbearable at times.