and now

that i'm older whenever i watch athletic events i have this strange notion that i could probably do whatever sport or whoever the athlete may be better than they're doing it. what a tremendous ass.

although getting older certainly does suck, time definitely has left it's tell tale signs on me aside from shrinking , becoming real,real ugly, finding aches and pains that weren't there when i was younger, and i'm sure there's more that i'm probably forgetting. it's really strange how i can get hurt(have pains) from doing nothing(i don't get it? Getting oldèr is hard work and ît doesn't pay well.

So

   After 31 years of marriage, 2 children, and 3 grand children a truck-load of despair. I've always tried to be a good husband, father, and grandfather, even standing by when she was troubled.

I still think it's the medicaton(after fruit loops)

     1992 was my summer "in hell," not that the house wasn't nice enough, or the people but the ambience at least for me was one of just wanting to be home and being normal but this wasn't to be and wasn't to be what at the time seemed like forever.
     In 1994 after three fun filled months in hell we moved to the farm, "that's hell in '92, farm in '94." At first farm life was fun and very busy, at the time our son was in fourth grade, the house needed a lot of cleaning up and my wife seemed content with the help of anti-depressants.
     My wife's father aside from being a horrible father for divorcing his children along with the mother of his children was also a horrible farmer(not spending hundreds of dollars on something and simply losing thousands in the long run). So I was very busy being a dairy farmer and loving it working 60 hours a week dairy farming,loving my wife and child, cleaning up the farm,etc.And every second of it I loved even though I was still disabilded but that didn't seem to matter cutting wood,running a haybine, throwing silage,baling hay,repairing or replacing Windows,hauling or loading manure, and the list goes on and on. Like I said before my wife's father had been an awful father and a horrible farmer but he was honestly a nice guy. It was during this time(maybe a year earlier) he finally divorce's
the 7 times married before,ex-prostitute,piece of work, and makes an attempt at making things right with his children, but never apologizes for the absent years and treating his own children like stray dogs. Although he does move in with his ex-wife as though this will make things right for the years of mental abuse. Although he did have a brief affair with a woman that his sons and daughter's seem to have forgotten about, so I guess that doesn't count.
     1995: and things seem to be going good my wife has a daughter a beautiful girl, our son is 10 in the fifth grade, I'm busy as ever dairy farming,making home repairs,  and being a loving husband and dad. During this time I'm sure there were several medicatiôn issues where the medication was no
longer working as it should, maybe her dr. would switch medications or whatever nothing to get stirred up about then in 2004 the "sh*t hits the fan " another time. It seemed to correlate with our sons graduation from high-school but she was an absolute mess and I'm getting older but still able to farm and be a supportive husband and father.
    In 2006 things wére going fine the wife seemed to be feeling well our son graduated into the marine's at Paris island,South Carolina(we attended) the stars must have been aligned.
     The years following till now:things seemed to be going fine we were growing older with the occasional mental hiccup possibly due to getting use to a medication, a different medicatiôn,  there was a time that even her dad took her to the emergency room because I was simply getting tired of the whole thing,"that wasn't being a good husband," now I see but I just quit, I quit the farm,I quit caring so after thirty-one years two children and three grandchildren we were through

fruit loops

it was 1983 when I was working for licking county board of mental retardation and developmental disabilities as a residential advisor and living at the cox memorial gardens apartment complex that consisted of four apartments, not five but four, and they were adequate, merely adequate. At the time I was happy to be living on my own, freshly disabled after an automobile accident that left me with slurred speech, double vision, ataxia on my right side so I was forced to walk wîth the aid of a cane or a crutch but I was young and the left-over hormones from high school wére raring to go.
     I first met vir-gini's brother,"and at that time,I really wasn't aware,that he was," when I was attempting to change the tire of my 1976 Mercury. It wás a fine car, and had taken me places where I nevér should have been, and places also like work,the grocery and indiscriminate parties but I was ÿoung.
     Anywày I was attempting to change the tire in my own handicapped way when this stranger offered to help and I was more than relieved to give him the tools. Later after some months had gone by a friend of mine and I, in a drunken,dope fueled stüpor happened on the members of their clan once again, and they were nice in a white trailer trash sort of way.
     Finally,possibly in the spring of 1984 vir-gini and her brother dropped by my abode bringing along a fifth of chivas regal and some of Meig county's finest and highest thc content greenery,we were young and we indulged. At that time nothing romantic happened, we talked,partied, and became friends,and for days afterwards the party continued and we all became friends. Suddenly months later after vir-gini learned my handicapped ways including my weird slurred speech were only on the outside and beneath these deficits was a good guy.
     Later vir-ginî moved in and became pregnant and I asked her to marry me. On December 15,1984 we were married and that’s when the nightmare began, but first came our son and he was a beautiful
baby boy. I had looked at vir-gini even before we met and wow! She was a beautiful girl possibly on

I'm










of the most beautiful girls I'd ever seen although I couldn't imagine the skeleton's dancing in the

































closet, of her mind, although I didn't have sense enough to give up quite yet.



















     It wasn't until we were married that I found out her mother had had several boyfriends and a child out of wedlock. Her father,"after divorcing her mother," married  a woman,"a former prostitute," who
had been married at the very least 7 times before and wouldn't allow him to see his own children. There was even a story that one day in the pouring rain when vir-gini was a child walking home from




school with her step-sister her father picked up her step-sister but made vir-gini continue in the

pouring rain something I'm sure that would have a negative impact on a small child.

I'm




     1985: My parents had divorced earlier leaving my mother with custody of the house which was
lucky for me, my son, and vir-gini,"at least at the time I thought," it was a beautiful home that I never  could have afforded working part-time and receiving social security disability although in 1988 the

sh*t hit the fan. The
     I had lost my driving license somewhere between 1986 and 1988 because of my double vision,"it
seems that the authorities have no sense of humor." Subsequently I was forced to retire from my

resident advisor job living entirely on social security which is impossible to say the least.

     vir-gini's first psychotic episode threw me for a loop I can still remember setting the entire night
with her as she babbled incoherently about her father,I suppose you could say it was scarey never
having been subjected to anything like that before. Later the following day they transferred her to a
different hospital that had a psyche ward. That night I stayed with vir-gini's brother and borrowed his
car the following morning to inform her father of what his actions had caused I may or may not on several occasions referred to him as a"mother-f**ker" which wasn't very polite and I wouldn't advise

doing this at 6:00am but it did get him to the hospital.
     1992:my sister married and we attended with our son,it was a short drive to our home in t.ville and she was crying all the way for no apparent reasôn. Later we drove to her sister's in nearby
Newark,Ohio where we stayed for three fun-filled months, that fall our son would be in the second grade and I was frustrated just trying to get home. I can still remember on a particular Saturday while
staying at her sister's, we needed tires on the car a 1988 bonneville and she was a utter mess, crying as if th

Divorce or dissolution

Late December of 2015, nearly 2016 I was 59.3333 years of age when she tells me "I need a break"
that latter turns into "let's make this permanent " that news was devastating after 31 years of marriage
2 kids and 3 grandchildren. I had grown comfortable, preparing for my twilight years, with the thought of bouncing my grandchildren on my good knee. This all came to a sudden halt and I'll be 60 and alone although in the 31 years we'd become more like bad room-mates than a married couple at times I still find myself half missing her and I don't know why, maybe it's something I ate. The tension was unbearable at times.

Keep your powder dry

And don't take any wooden nickels
Don't go swim'n with bow legged women