the chrome plated,electrified yashmak

little tina was a small girl but what she lacked in size she made up for in intelligence and bowel movements.

 tina's mother would read to her nightly just after the ritual of measuring her heighth and brushing her teeth. tina's mother would lay out tina's outfit and matching yashmak, tina was the best looking, cutest turkish kid in her class, in fact she was the only turkish kid in the class. most of her fellow elementary classmates couldn't understand tina's language she had such an unusual accent although tina could speak english and understand english without any diffaculty. the truth is you could hardly even tell tina was turkish except for the fact that she was always wearing a matching yashmak with that days outfit.

    it was early november and tina along with her classmates were going to sing in front of her parents and her classmates parents but the night before tina's mother had for the first time simply forgot to lay out a clean outfit and matching yashmak.

the rambler classic

what a car; i bought the car in 1975 for 200.oo dollars and it was worth every penny, it wasn't very pretty to look at but it ran fantastic, i remember it cutting out so i dropped it off at the point(quaker state service station), they replaced a gas filter and it ran liked the wind. the front seat was totally without a cover but the blanket i used to cover it worked fine, one of the many features of the front seat was the entire front seat would lay back and become a bed and that was an important feature being 18. when i initially made the purchase i had the intentions of doing bodywork to the car but at the time i was young and some dreams fade rapidly. so the rambler had a light green paint job(what paint you could find), and spots of grey primer giving it a camouflaged look.

in the 60's at least earlier sixties they made cars heavier and the bumpers on cars were sturdier but the rambler was punished by ramming signs on occasion due to the owners stupidity, or it could have been the fact that i was impaired and my driving skills where somewhat compromised although at the time it was great, almost sporting. from the sign ramming the bumpers began to permanently "V" inward but that only enhanced the cars beauty.

another swell feature of the classic was an 8-track tape player which i installed, i only had 1 or two 8-track tapes but they sounded dandy. i remember "in particular" todd rundgren's" music playing on the awesome sound system, i'd even get goosebumps from time to time or maybe it was merely gas?

rah-rah

my brother and i have been using the Internet or computer's to watch or listen to the ohio state buckeye football games on Saturdays in the fall of the year and early winter and at times if the buckeyes have a really good season ( and they usually do) we'll watch or listen to the game(a bowl game), in early January.

i graduated from high school in 1975 and computer's weren't heard of yet, but it seems that now computer's and the Internet are somehow involved with every aspect of our daily lives, and it seems to be definitely a good thing until the third game at the end of the season(the regular season) at the moment i don't recall who they were playing but i do remember they won and it was a good game(at least the second half). although my brother(who lives in singapore) had what sounded and looked like(via skype) to be a nasty cold. he said he could have picked up a bug at the condo pool where the occupant's urinate in the pool freely, or it could possibly have been a guest. anyway my brother picked up a frick'n bug and somehow sent it over the Internet and now i've got it, so the last few days i pass the time blowing my nose and coughing not to mention the body aches and chills.

so as i sniffle and cough and wonder which bowl game the buck's will be playing in this year i'm also skeptical of this technological crap but at least the buckeyes won.

pre-memorial day get together w/ corn hole

grand kiddies & auntie em(the baby shawn has a glogged tear duct)

tuna

she's a permanent fixture

deep inside my heart, if she didn't eat those leftover beans last night

when she woke bright and early this morning

even before her morning coffee

i thought i heard her fart

she said it must be the wind

she said the walls are thin

she also denied

not wearing her depends

adult diapers

great northern

he was probably the best looking dude you'd ever want to meet he was around six one in height with flowing blond hair and a physic that drove the ladies wild, the girls didn't even seem to mind that he was plagued with B.O., it really wasn't conventional body aroma it was bean oder, that probably was due to his love for beans. when he was a few years younger he was a fair athlete and for a moment wondered about a career playing baseball but when it came to choosing anything he'd always choose beans.

his mother and father were planning for him to go to college, he would have been the first in his family to go to college, his father was a foreman at a local factory it was a job that he never really cared for but had always managed to put away several dollars a week in freddie's college fund but several years back after high school graduation freddie was about to sign his application to the local college where he planned on attending when his mother called to him for supper and she had prepared his favorite,"baked beans," freddie never seemed to get back to signing the application he'd put it off. he began putting off more and more things such as personal hygiene, looking for some sort of employment, and I'm sure there was more. he also began associating with a different type of people, people that were drunkards,homeless,addicted to bingo, drugs and/or alcohol. freddie didn't seem to care about anybody or anything just eating beans, he did have a girl friend "tina," but she soon grew tired of freddie's constant Oder,compulsion for beans, and inability to make any sort of commitment to her, so freddie and tina soon went there separate ways. with tina gone freddie ate beans full bore, he began eating beans for breakfast and throughout the day, everyday. did you ever see the charlie brown cartoons? they were on usually in the evenings, well do you remember the one character "pig pen?" remember how he was enveloped in a fog of filth, well freddie had that fog around him but it was a fog of methane created by mass quantities of beans.

after years of a steady diet of beans, freddie's health was great, possibly because beans are
the magical, musical fruit freddie's father passed on but his mother allowed him to stay in the garage just as long as he kept the door up and had a exhaust fan running to carry away his flatulence, the smell was unbearable it always smelled like sulphur and rotting aardvarks , freddie's mother would hose him off at least once a week and douse him with cheap cologne so the neighbors wouldn't complain. in the garage freddie had a hot-plate and always had a pot of soup beans on, freddie was constantly experimenting and creating new and different bean recipes, he made a small fortune with some of his bean recipes and even wrote several bean cook books.

several years after freddie made his fortune in beans he met an attractive woman who happened to love beans nearly as much as he did but they soon divorced after she suggested adding baking soda to some of freddies world famous recipes in an attempt to calm down freddies flatulence it seemed that he loved the flatulence nearly as much as the taste of the beans .

now he was getting older but still had beans to eat, freddie discovered that mixing or baking great northern Lima beans with your standard navy bean created an almost deadly flatulence, the methane was so great that you'd want to be outside while eating them and be sure there are no open flames, as freddie discovered at an inside christmas party at a relatives house.





freddie was rarely invited to any social functions but one christmas, or a week or two before christmas, freddie was invited along with his mother to his great-aunt's for Christmas cookies, several games, turkey and baked beans with great northern beans, added to the baked beans ,"one of freddies recipe's,"after all it is christmas. freddie ate several cookies, a turkey sandwich and a generous portion of the baked beans, maybe even two generous portions then he warmed himself by uncle roy's fire he warmed his backside and very quietly cut the cheese and nearly ruined the christmas tree, fortunately freddies uncle roy had a fire extinguisher so it appeared the tree had a lite dusting of snow on it, actually it was sort of pretty but freddies aunt's eyebrows were missing so freddie apologized and headed for the kitchen to see if there were leftover beans.